1 00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:10,343 - "The Ms. Pat Show" was filmed 2 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,094 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:15,525 - The one thing in this world, y'all, 4 00:00:15,551 --> 00:00:19,931 that will turn a good person to a goddamn fool is money. 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,517 It would turn a preacher into a pimp, 6 00:00:22,518 --> 00:00:25,033 a schoolteacher into a dick-sucking crackhead 7 00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,413 named Tinker Bell. 8 00:00:26,546 --> 00:00:30,619 The only other thing that will come close 9 00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:33,103 to this type of evil, y'all, is fame. 10 00:00:33,172 --> 00:00:34,672 People will lose common sense 11 00:00:34,673 --> 00:00:36,757 to be loved and accepted by motherfuckers 12 00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:40,586 who are ready to cancel them for wiping their ass wrong. 13 00:00:40,655 --> 00:00:44,034 Fame is a beautiful thing if you can buy, 14 00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:46,413 but what would that bullshit cost you? 15 00:00:50,724 --> 00:00:52,724 I told my son if he ever at school 16 00:00:52,725 --> 00:00:54,516 and one of them crazy-ass white boys 17 00:00:54,517 --> 00:00:55,999 come in there and start shooting, 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,724 don't try to be no hero 19 00:00:57,793 --> 00:01:00,310 'cause Black heroes do not survive. 20 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,861 I said, "Nigga, hit the floor 21 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,275 and throw a white bitch on your back." 22 00:01:05,344 --> 00:01:07,758 Thank y'all so much, y'all. I'll be Ms. Pat. 23 00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:14,413 - You were amazing tonight, Pat-Pat. 24 00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:15,620 That crowd was louder 25 00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:18,344 than a toothless bitch's morning breath. 26 00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,516 - Can you believe I just played a 10,000 seater? 27 00:01:20,517 --> 00:01:23,000 I didn't even know 10,000 people lived in Tulsa 28 00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:25,757 after them crazy-ass white people burnt the shit down. 29 00:01:25,758 --> 00:01:28,793 - Listen, and look at all of this money that we made 30 00:01:28,862 --> 00:01:31,793 on merch and Denise Grease! 31 00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:33,362 - I'm on a national comedy tour 32 00:01:33,363 --> 00:01:35,274 making people laugh their asses off, and look at you. 33 00:01:35,275 --> 00:01:37,102 Your damn grease got their edges growing back. 34 00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:39,724 We're the hope of the slaves. 35 00:01:39,793 --> 00:01:42,068 - I am so glad that we did not let Tony 36 00:01:42,137 --> 00:01:43,896 fuck up this opportunity for us. 37 00:01:43,897 --> 00:01:45,136 - Girl, Tony is a hot mess. 38 00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:46,550 But as long as he leave me alone 39 00:01:46,551 --> 00:01:48,206 and let me make that money, 40 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,586 I don't give a flying fuck what he do. 41 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,551 - Whoo! 42 00:01:52,552 --> 00:01:54,205 Ain't it a rush, making all them people 43 00:01:54,206 --> 00:01:56,241 shit in their drawers? 44 00:01:56,310 --> 00:01:58,689 - Tony, look, I want to thank you for the chance. 45 00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:00,550 And I know we had a few bumps along the way, 46 00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:02,482 but bumps make good-ass stories. 47 00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:03,931 - Ain't it the truth? 48 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,758 You know, Pat, most headliners want a weak opener. 49 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,724 Make them look better. - Oh, I get it. 50 00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:10,619 It's sort of like how you want to be in the photo 51 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:13,068 with a bucktoothed, big-belly bitch. 52 00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:14,793 Helps you shine. 53 00:02:14,862 --> 00:02:16,586 - Exactly. 54 00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:19,689 But me, I want the funniest opener in town. 55 00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,448 That way, when they kill it and I come up and top that, 56 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,689 I deserve all the love I get. 57 00:02:24,758 --> 00:02:27,034 - He said you're the best in town. 58 00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:28,482 - I'm about to faint. 59 00:02:28,551 --> 00:02:30,793 - Y'all, come on and get a little hit 60 00:02:30,862 --> 00:02:32,689 of this booger sugar. 61 00:02:32,758 --> 00:02:35,379 - No, thanks. I can't do no cocaine, man. 62 00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:38,038 Cocaine and high blood pressure don't go together. 63 00:02:38,039 --> 00:02:39,205 - Y'all, don't bring the party down. 64 00:02:39,206 --> 00:02:40,620 Come talk to me. 65 00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:42,757 You know, if you stay in this comedy game long enough, 66 00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:45,348 you gon' need a little pick-me-up from time to time. 67 00:02:45,379 --> 00:02:47,482 This ain't nothing but comedy vitamins. 68 00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,448 [snorting] 69 00:02:49,449 --> 00:02:51,309 - Vitamins that got you dripping snot 70 00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:53,793 like a motel air conditioner. 71 00:02:53,862 --> 00:02:56,482 - I can't do no drugs, man. I used to sell that shit. 72 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:59,413 But my kids grew up around too many damn dope fiends. 73 00:02:59,414 --> 00:03:01,688 I ain't never used it, but I can tell you this. 74 00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:03,965 My oldest son is so stupid, I truly believe 75 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,274 that boy was born with a damn crack baby spirit. 76 00:03:06,275 --> 00:03:08,793 - [laughs] 77 00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:10,103 - Nigga, I'm for real. 78 00:03:10,104 --> 00:03:11,309 One time, I took him down there 79 00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:12,585 to take one of them slow tests, 80 00:03:12,586 --> 00:03:13,964 you know, to get me a disability check, 81 00:03:13,965 --> 00:03:16,136 'cause all my girlfriends was doing the same shit, 82 00:03:16,137 --> 00:03:17,481 'cause they kids was special too. 83 00:03:17,482 --> 00:03:19,862 Hell, I thought he was special. - Uh-huh. 84 00:03:19,931 --> 00:03:21,655 - I get down there to take the test. 85 00:03:21,656 --> 00:03:23,723 Do you know that that motherfucker passed the test 86 00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:25,482 and the lady told me he was lazy? 87 00:03:25,551 --> 00:03:27,181 And I slapped the shit out of him. 88 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:30,862 I'm like, "Who the fuck told you to read good today, bitch?" 89 00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:33,999 Do you know I had to beg that lady 90 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,343 for a handicapped sticker? 91 00:03:35,344 --> 00:03:37,205 - [chuckles] Now that's some funny shit. 92 00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:38,827 Damn! 93 00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:41,586 Which way is the bus? I get confused. 94 00:03:41,587 --> 00:03:43,688 - That's 'cause that shit got your brain like a omelet. 95 00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,275 I'ma start calling you Denny's. 96 00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:48,310 - No. You start calling me Mr. Free. 97 00:03:48,379 --> 00:03:50,275 Y'all clean that up for me. 98 00:03:50,344 --> 00:03:51,724 - No, the hell we not. 99 00:03:51,793 --> 00:03:54,206 - That wasn't a question, sweetheart. 100 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,241 I'll see y'all on the bus. 101 00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:58,448 - He turn into a whole nother person 102 00:03:58,517 --> 00:04:00,087 when he on that shit, don't he? 103 00:04:00,103 --> 00:04:02,620 Mike Tyson-looking-ass nigga. 104 00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:03,949 - Look, just quit talking. 105 00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:05,688 That man got my whole future in his hand. 106 00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,275 Let's just clean the shit up. 107 00:04:07,276 --> 00:04:12,481 - You can't do that. Do you know how much that shit cost? 108 00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:15,413 - Girl, that's for the next artist. 109 00:04:15,482 --> 00:04:17,517 - ? Come on, it's time to go ? 110 00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:20,241 ? It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ? 111 00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:22,275 [doorbell rings] - [sighs] 112 00:04:22,344 --> 00:04:24,551 - Ah, I got it. Watch out, I got it. 113 00:04:26,413 --> 00:04:28,000 - Who is this? 114 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,137 Junebug is kissing. 115 00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:35,275 Why? I'm dead. I have died. 116 00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:38,413 - Allison, meet my hater of a sister, Ashley. 117 00:04:38,482 --> 00:04:40,379 - O to the M to the G! 118 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,620 Get your behind over here! Ah! 119 00:04:42,689 --> 00:04:46,034 It's so amazing to finally meet my future big sis-in-law. 120 00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,153 - Sis-in-law? 121 00:04:47,172 --> 00:04:48,586 - Oh! And is this Brandon? 122 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,275 You must be my big bro-in-law. 123 00:04:50,344 --> 00:04:52,241 - Must I? - Oh, yes. 124 00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:54,792 Me and Junie are going to be together, like forever. 125 00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:57,413 - And who, pray tell, is Junie? 126 00:04:57,482 --> 00:04:59,724 - Oh, that's just her little nickname for me. 127 00:05:03,206 --> 00:05:06,034 - Um, babe, I'd love to sit on the couch, but... 128 00:05:06,103 --> 00:05:08,862 - Oh, I got you, babe. 129 00:05:08,931 --> 00:05:11,068 - Hey! 130 00:05:11,137 --> 00:05:12,275 - Ahem. 131 00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:15,379 So how did you meet ol' Junie? 132 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,620 - We met on TikTok. 133 00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:18,620 - But his videos are trash. 134 00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:20,103 I love you, but they trash. 135 00:05:20,172 --> 00:05:21,310 - [laughs] 136 00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:24,413 I love how we all tease each other. 137 00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:27,034 I wish my family was as cool as yours, Junie. 138 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,067 But now, all they care about is politics. 139 00:05:29,068 --> 00:05:31,758 My dad is Mayor Malinowski, unfortunately. 140 00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:33,896 - Wait, your dad's the mayor? 141 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:36,620 - You damn right that's unfortunate. 142 00:05:36,621 --> 00:05:38,861 His policies have led to mass displacement 143 00:05:38,862 --> 00:05:40,792 of the unhoused with these sweeps they've been doing. 144 00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:43,655 - Don't listen to my sister. She's a liberal elite. 145 00:05:43,724 --> 00:05:45,862 - Well, actually, I agree with Leelee. 146 00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:47,448 - Ashley. 147 00:05:47,449 --> 00:05:49,481 - I'm disgusted by my dad's track record on the homeless. 148 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,724 - Unhoused. 149 00:05:50,793 --> 00:05:52,965 - Thank you for correcting me, Ashy. 150 00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:54,827 - Ooh, little girl. 151 00:05:54,828 --> 00:05:57,412 - We'd better go if we're gonna make the "Downton Abbey" movie. 152 00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,344 - Downtown what? Who's Abby? 153 00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:01,344 Ashley, what's going on? - Hey. 154 00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:03,965 What y'all doing in here? 155 00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:05,896 Hi. Who is this? 156 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,775 - This is Junebug's new girlfriend. 157 00:06:07,827 --> 00:06:09,267 She's the mayor's daughter, 158 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,171 and she's taking Junebug to see "Downton Abbey." 159 00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:13,517 - OK, none of what you just said made any sense. 160 00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:14,862 - Ah! - Oh! 161 00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:17,655 - It is so good to meet you, Mr. Carson. 162 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:18,931 Or should I say Dad? 163 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,862 - You shouldn't. No. 164 00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:25,517 - Damn, he out there killing. 165 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,241 - Let me tell y'all about my dumbass son. 166 00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:29,620 When he was younger, 167 00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,931 I took him down to take the slow test, right? 168 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,630 I'm thinking my ass is gonna get 169 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:36,000 one of them checks, retard reparations. 170 00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:39,000 - What? He out there telling my story. 171 00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:41,136 - OK, look here, when he get off that stage, 172 00:06:41,137 --> 00:06:43,723 you murk him from the bottom, and I'ma fuck him up up top. 173 00:06:43,724 --> 00:06:45,620 - Ah, just leave it alone. 174 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:48,039 - You don't even want to murk him just a little? 175 00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:49,586 - Look, shit happens, OK? 176 00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:51,654 When a star like that want to steal your material, 177 00:06:51,655 --> 00:06:53,689 I guess I'm supposed to be flattered. 178 00:06:53,690 --> 00:06:56,102 I got a million more stories where that shit came from. 179 00:06:56,103 --> 00:06:57,654 - But that doesn't mean that the one being used 180 00:06:57,655 --> 00:06:58,827 ain't worth nothing. 181 00:06:58,828 --> 00:07:00,378 You know what? I got half a mind- 182 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,758 - Hey. Don't say nothing, OK? 183 00:07:02,759 --> 00:07:04,309 All it's gonna do is create problem. 184 00:07:04,310 --> 00:07:06,274 Pack this stuff up and get your ass back on the bus. 185 00:07:06,275 --> 00:07:08,550 Plus, that man about to get off the damn stage. 186 00:07:08,551 --> 00:07:10,137 - But it's your story, Pat. 187 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,240 - Yeah, but I wish he would 188 00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,447 just tell the fucking story right. 189 00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:13,826 His retarded ass don't even know 190 00:07:13,827 --> 00:07:15,620 he can't say "retarded" no more. 191 00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:22,034 - Ah, where's my gear? I forgot my bag. 192 00:07:22,103 --> 00:07:24,965 - You forgot your originality too. 193 00:07:25,034 --> 00:07:26,551 - Excuse me? 194 00:07:26,552 --> 00:07:28,688 - Look, I don't like you stealing Pat's joke. 195 00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,102 That shit was disrespectful. 196 00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:32,551 And you had the nerve to do it in her face. 197 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,274 - Bitch, I've been in this comedy game 198 00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:36,448 since I was 19 years old. 199 00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:38,275 I ain't got to steal a damn thing. 200 00:07:38,344 --> 00:07:39,551 I took that shit. 201 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:41,344 I punched it up four times 202 00:07:41,413 --> 00:07:43,724 and made it four times as funny. 203 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:45,655 I'm a well of creativity! 204 00:07:45,724 --> 00:07:48,413 - OK, well, it looks like your well has run as dry 205 00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:51,068 as a nun's panties on a wet day. 206 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,000 - Just get your ass on the bus and keep your mouth shut. 207 00:07:54,001 --> 00:07:55,723 You hear me? - Nigga, you better- 208 00:07:55,724 --> 00:07:57,136 - Hey, don't, bitch. I will crush 209 00:07:57,137 --> 00:07:59,551 your sister's career like a cockroach 210 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,517 that come out when you got company! 211 00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,068 Don't fuck with me! 212 00:08:06,448 --> 00:08:07,517 Are we clear? 213 00:08:07,586 --> 00:08:09,551 - Tony, all I'm saying- - It ain't Tony. 214 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:11,241 Mr. Free. 215 00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:14,551 Are we clear? 216 00:08:16,965 --> 00:08:19,241 - As clear as this gel-polished foot 217 00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:21,241 I can put up your ass, motherfucker! 218 00:08:21,242 --> 00:08:22,757 You done fuck with the wrong woman. 219 00:08:22,758 --> 00:08:24,965 I'll fuck you all the way up 220 00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:27,068 for hurting my sister, motherfucker. 221 00:08:32,482 --> 00:08:35,482 [doorbell rings] 222 00:08:35,551 --> 00:08:38,862 [TV chatter] 223 00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:40,585 - Allison, what are you doing here? 224 00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,793 - I ran away from home. 225 00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:46,689 - And pausing the movie. - Mm-hmm. 226 00:08:46,758 --> 00:08:48,758 - What? Why did you run away? 227 00:08:48,759 --> 00:08:49,999 - Is it because your dad stands 228 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,619 for everything evil in this world? 229 00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:55,758 - Or is it because your family made you take a slow test? 230 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,793 Yeah, but you passed. 231 00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:02,310 Instead of your mom being happy for you 232 00:09:02,379 --> 00:09:04,724 because you can read so good, 233 00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:06,053 she got upset and told you 234 00:09:06,103 --> 00:09:08,620 that you set the whole damn family back. 235 00:09:10,379 --> 00:09:13,448 - You have got to take my therapist recommendations. 236 00:09:13,517 --> 00:09:16,172 - I ran away because I got in a huge fight with my dad. 237 00:09:16,173 --> 00:09:18,067 I was hoping I can stay here for a few nights. 238 00:09:18,068 --> 00:09:19,862 - Hell no! - Oh, absolutely! 239 00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:21,379 - Boy, are you high? 240 00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:23,481 Mom and Dad would never let you have a girl stay over. 241 00:09:23,482 --> 00:09:25,241 - Yeah, especially a white- 242 00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:29,172 widely interesting girl like you, Allison. 243 00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:31,551 - I need your help sneaking me in, Ash. 244 00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:34,034 - Are you high? I don't live here. 245 00:09:34,103 --> 00:09:36,724 - Don't worry. I'll talk to my dad, OK? 246 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,310 You can stay in Janelle's room 247 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,930 while she's in New York at that scholarship convention. 248 00:09:40,931 --> 00:09:44,103 - What was this huge fight with your dad even about? 249 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:47,724 - He totally freaked out when I told him I was pregnant. 250 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:53,137 - Man, ugh, I hate when my parents freak out. 251 00:09:53,206 --> 00:09:56,275 It's like, come on, y'all. Take a chill pill. 252 00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:59,379 What did you just say? 253 00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,586 - You're pregnant? 254 00:10:00,655 --> 00:10:03,241 - No. - OK, thank God. 255 00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:06,344 - We're pregnant. 256 00:10:09,448 --> 00:10:12,344 - So I caught my son with a pocket pussy, right? 257 00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,523 And he gonna try to play like it wasn't his... 258 00:10:14,524 --> 00:10:15,550 [DJ scratching] [crowd cheering] 259 00:10:15,551 --> 00:10:17,344 - What the fuck? 260 00:10:17,413 --> 00:10:19,703 I don't give a fuck. Y'all better have my money. 261 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:24,344 Tony, the fucking DJ out there playing "Wobble" 262 00:10:24,413 --> 00:10:26,883 in front of my damn set, got these niggas dancing. 263 00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:29,793 I had ten minutes to go. Why he playing me like that? 264 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,931 - Ask your sister. 265 00:10:33,655 --> 00:10:35,620 Get in there! Yeah, yeah? 266 00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:39,482 - What the hell, Denise? 267 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,034 - OK, I had to tell him 268 00:10:41,103 --> 00:10:43,153 that he was dirty for stealing your joke. 269 00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:46,620 - God damn it! - Well, it wasn't right, Pat. 270 00:10:46,621 --> 00:10:48,447 Now I don't care what all he's doing for us. 271 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,896 As your manager, I can't keep letting him play us like this. 272 00:10:51,897 --> 00:10:53,619 - See, that's the fucking problem. 273 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:54,827 You always saying "us," 274 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,792 but only one person suffer the consequences. 275 00:10:56,793 --> 00:10:58,206 And it's me. 276 00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:01,379 - OK, well, the Pat that I know and grew up with 277 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,309 would've tore that man a new bootyhole 278 00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:04,655 for stealing her shit. 279 00:11:04,724 --> 00:11:07,586 - The Pat you grew up with grew up poor as fuck. 280 00:11:07,655 --> 00:11:09,379 - Well, what does the Bible say? 281 00:11:09,448 --> 00:11:12,379 "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, 282 00:11:12,448 --> 00:11:13,689 yet lose his soul?" 283 00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:15,689 - First of all, I'm not a man. 284 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,758 Second of all, them fucking verses don't pay no bill, OK? 285 00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:21,619 This is the biggest opportunity of my life, 286 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:23,206 and you're ruining it. 287 00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,826 I knew I shouldn't have brought your stupid ass on this tour. 288 00:11:25,827 --> 00:11:27,517 - OK, hold up. 289 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:30,896 I'm a lot of things, Pat, but stupid is not one of them. 290 00:11:30,965 --> 00:11:33,793 Now, if this is you after five minutes of success, 291 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,033 I'd hate to see what you gon' be when you blow up. 292 00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:37,724 I thought we was closer than this. 293 00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:39,931 - Me too. It's my fucking dream. 294 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,655 Now stay out of it! 295 00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:49,482 - Allison, how far along are you? 296 00:11:49,551 --> 00:11:51,000 - I'm 12 weeks, 297 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,585 which makes me nervous because I'll be showing soon. 298 00:11:53,586 --> 00:11:54,862 I'm a little nervous 299 00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:56,343 about what the kids at school are gonna say. 300 00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:58,896 - They're probably gonna say you're pregnant. 301 00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:02,689 - Hey, y'all. So, Allison, 302 00:12:02,758 --> 00:12:06,103 Junebug tells me you had a little fight with your father 303 00:12:06,172 --> 00:12:08,310 and you needed a place to stay? 304 00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:09,620 - Wait, hold up. 305 00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:11,274 Please don't tell me that Junebug duped you 306 00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:12,619 in having this girl stay at the house. 307 00:12:12,620 --> 00:12:13,965 I am 30 years old, 308 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,964 and I still can't have girls stay at the house. 309 00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,723 But Junebug's pregnant girlfriend- 310 00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,137 - What now? 311 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:24,482 - Boy, I didn't tell him that part yet! 312 00:12:24,551 --> 00:12:27,137 - Couldn't hold water if you were a bottle. 313 00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:31,309 - What the hell is he talking about, Junebug? 314 00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:32,448 - Well, I-I, uh- 315 00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:35,586 - What the hell is he talking 'bout? 316 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,172 - I was gonna tell you on his first birthday. 317 00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:42,655 - Boy, you better be lying to me in my face. 318 00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:43,924 I know good and damn well 319 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,896 my 15-year-old son ain't go knock up 320 00:12:45,897 --> 00:12:47,343 some random girl and ruin his life. 321 00:12:47,344 --> 00:12:51,620 I swear for God, you best be lying in my face, boy! 322 00:12:51,689 --> 00:12:53,931 - It's true, Dad. 323 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,482 Your baby boy is about to be a baby daddy. 324 00:12:58,103 --> 00:13:00,206 Our name lives on. [chuckles] 325 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:06,793 - Actually, it might just die here and now. 326 00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:08,448 All of you, out of here, now! 327 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,723 - Thanks for getting rid of them, Dad. 328 00:13:13,724 --> 00:13:15,827 We have so much to talk about. 329 00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:18,670 - You too, Allison. 330 00:13:18,724 --> 00:13:20,103 - Oh, but I- - Go home. Uh-uh. 331 00:13:20,104 --> 00:13:22,274 Uh-uh, I know you're mad with your dad and everything, 332 00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:25,896 but until that baby comes, you're his problem, not mine. 333 00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:36,482 I'm very disappointed in you, son. 334 00:13:36,551 --> 00:13:41,517 You have any idea what your mama would say? 335 00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:44,241 She spent your entire life warning you kids 336 00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:47,241 not to go the same route that she did! 337 00:13:47,984 --> 00:13:51,447 Look, man, I know it's unrealistic 338 00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:55,862 to expect you to never have sex, OK? 339 00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:59,517 But you could have at least worn a condom! 340 00:13:59,586 --> 00:14:01,620 - I did. 341 00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:05,034 I guess the latex was just no match for my soldiers. 342 00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:10,310 I must got that "Mortal Kombat" sperm. 343 00:14:13,862 --> 00:14:15,965 - [growls] 344 00:14:18,551 --> 00:14:21,206 - Hey, Tony, I just want to apologize for Denise, OK? 345 00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:22,792 She's always stepping over her bounds 346 00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:24,206 and talking out her ass. 347 00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:26,067 - Well, was she talking out her ass? 348 00:14:26,068 --> 00:14:28,413 I just thought her breath stank. 349 00:14:28,482 --> 00:14:31,103 Well, it's water under the bridge. 350 00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:34,379 But, Pat, you want to keep cashing them checks, 351 00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:36,344 you better get her ass in check. 352 00:14:36,345 --> 00:14:37,999 - Look, I promise she won't bother you again. 353 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,033 I got you. 354 00:14:39,034 --> 00:14:40,310 - Well, that's good. 355 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,310 If you got me, I got you. 356 00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:43,516 You know, I haven't forgotten 357 00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:45,482 I promised you those radio spots. 358 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,137 When we get to D.C., 359 00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:49,688 I'm on the air on "Snooze Scoop" with Buzzy Da Host. 360 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,068 You want to roll? 361 00:14:51,069 --> 00:14:53,136 - Hell yeah, nigga, like a rock down the hill. 362 00:14:53,137 --> 00:14:55,136 My mama always told me to reach for the stars. 363 00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:58,103 And she hope I hit the sun and burn the fuck up. 364 00:15:07,758 --> 00:15:09,138 - Hey, what you doing, Pops? 365 00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,436 - Calling your mama about this Junebug mess. 366 00:15:11,482 --> 00:15:13,896 - I'll start calling funeral homes. 367 00:15:13,965 --> 00:15:15,827 - Dad, you should hang up. - Why? 368 00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,240 - 'Cause it doesn't matter when she's gonna hear it. 369 00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:19,586 He's still gon' die. 370 00:15:19,587 --> 00:15:21,205 - I don't think that girl is really pregnant. 371 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:23,310 And if she is, it ain't Junebug's. 372 00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:24,619 - What makes you say that? 373 00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:25,757 - I asked him when they hooked up. 374 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,481 He said it was one time. Homecoming. 375 00:15:27,482 --> 00:15:30,862 - Homecoming is the beginning of babies coming home. 376 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,931 - I looked at Junebug's Instagram. 377 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,205 He made a post on homecoming night, 378 00:15:34,206 --> 00:15:35,620 but that was seven weeks ago. 379 00:15:35,689 --> 00:15:38,275 She just told us she was 12 weeks pregnant. 380 00:15:38,344 --> 00:15:39,586 - And? 381 00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:42,551 - Math? 382 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,206 - Science? 383 00:15:47,103 --> 00:15:49,965 Oh, 12 weeks. 384 00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,758 It was seven weeks ago, so that's... 385 00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:53,482 That's a four-week difference! 386 00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:55,895 - That's all right, son. 387 00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:57,137 - It's not. 388 00:16:00,137 --> 00:16:02,103 - "So, Ms. Pat, how does it feel 389 00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:04,413 to be the best comedian in the whole world?" 390 00:16:04,482 --> 00:16:06,448 "Oh, my God, I told you bitches 391 00:16:06,517 --> 00:16:08,689 "I was gon' step on you hoes next! 392 00:16:08,758 --> 00:16:10,034 "I made it, you bitches." 393 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,172 Oh. 394 00:16:12,241 --> 00:16:15,413 Uh, I was just testing the equipment. 395 00:16:15,482 --> 00:16:17,310 - I saw your sister outside. 396 00:16:17,379 --> 00:16:20,068 - Well, good, 'cause we ain't even speaking. 397 00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:22,275 - Oh. Sorry to hear that. 398 00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:23,896 Have you seen my husband? 399 00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:27,586 - Yeah, he in the bathroom taking a dump and a bump. 400 00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:30,793 - Look, Ms. Pat, I know we had our moment before, 401 00:16:30,862 --> 00:16:34,758 but I saw you perform in Tulsa, and you blew me away. 402 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,931 You are such an authentic, unafraid type of woman. 403 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,448 - Shit. 404 00:16:39,449 --> 00:16:41,102 Let a rat run across a bitch feet. 405 00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,136 You'll see fear then. 406 00:16:42,137 --> 00:16:45,862 - [laughing] 407 00:16:45,931 --> 00:16:49,034 [sobbing] 408 00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:53,517 - Damn. 409 00:16:53,586 --> 00:16:55,586 Why are you crying? What's wrong? 410 00:16:55,655 --> 00:16:58,137 With that big-ass ring on your finger, 411 00:16:58,206 --> 00:16:59,655 it say, "Shut the fuck up." 412 00:17:01,379 --> 00:17:03,137 - You can have it. 413 00:17:03,206 --> 00:17:05,482 It's a sorry ring. 414 00:17:05,551 --> 00:17:08,793 - Shit don't look sorry to me. 415 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,448 - I mean sorry as in "I fucked that other bitch" ring. 416 00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:13,758 You can keep it. 417 00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:15,585 - Well, since you being so generous, 418 00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,895 you wanna give me them Bottega shoes you got on too? 419 00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,792 They ain't my size, but I'ma stick them bitches 420 00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,654 in the freezer with a Ziploc bag with some water 421 00:17:21,655 --> 00:17:23,620 so they can stretch out. 422 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:26,275 They'll be my size in the morning. 423 00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:27,862 - Well, you enjoy yourself. 424 00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:29,241 Listen, it ain't like 425 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:32,000 it making my miserable, low-down life any better. 426 00:17:32,068 --> 00:17:33,448 - What's going on? 427 00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:34,655 - Tony! 428 00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:36,550 I'm tired of him treating me like shit. 429 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:37,757 And I know you lied for him 430 00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:39,568 a couple of weeks back at that hotel. 431 00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:41,343 - Look, I ain't have- - Look, listen. 432 00:17:41,344 --> 00:17:43,206 You ain't got to tell me, OK? 433 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,793 Sis, I know what time it is, OK? 434 00:17:45,862 --> 00:17:48,689 And that coke mess just makes it even worse. 435 00:17:48,690 --> 00:17:50,999 It's like he turns into a whole nother person. 436 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,586 He fusses, he cheats, and he puts his hands on me. 437 00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:57,137 - Damn. 438 00:17:57,206 --> 00:18:00,310 You getting your ass whipped for some shoes and a ring? 439 00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,429 Did the nigga at least buy you some land? 440 00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:04,102 You know, 'cause I can understand 441 00:18:04,103 --> 00:18:08,413 a bitch getting knocked out for 40 acres and a pool. 442 00:18:08,414 --> 00:18:09,861 Well, did you at least get the deed? 443 00:18:09,862 --> 00:18:11,002 You can leave the nigga. 444 00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,424 - What I'ma do out on my own? 445 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,550 - Get a job. Sell some pussy. 446 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,413 I mean... 447 00:18:18,448 --> 00:18:20,482 I mean, did you sign a prenup? 448 00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:21,655 - Yep. 449 00:18:21,724 --> 00:18:24,310 He told me I got to "prove" my love. 450 00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:27,689 - What? Pussy is proof! 451 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,826 And as old as that nigga is, girl, 452 00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:32,758 I know you got to crank his dick up 453 00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:37,517 like a window in a 1997 Honda Civic. 454 00:18:40,068 --> 00:18:41,448 - Look, Pat, I- 455 00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:44,689 I grew up with so many lonely women- 456 00:18:44,758 --> 00:18:46,689 my mom, my granny- 457 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:49,758 and all of them died alone and poor. 458 00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:52,068 I told myself I would never be like that. 459 00:18:52,137 --> 00:18:55,482 At least now, I'm rich and I'm married. 460 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,827 - Sound like you're alone and poor to me. 461 00:18:57,828 --> 00:18:59,964 - Well, I guess I never thought about it like that. 462 00:18:59,965 --> 00:19:01,793 But without that, what else I got? 463 00:19:01,862 --> 00:19:05,206 Oh, here he comes. Keep this between us. 464 00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:07,413 - I said I was sorry. 465 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,309 Please don't take this shit out on Pat. 466 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:11,000 I just got a really big mouth. 467 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,172 - Yes, bitch, you do. 468 00:19:13,241 --> 00:19:16,172 And you should try shutting it sometime for a change. 469 00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:17,620 Pat, I thought you told me 470 00:19:17,621 --> 00:19:19,343 you were gon' keep her ass away from me. 471 00:19:19,344 --> 00:19:21,172 - She's trying to apologize. 472 00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:24,655 - God made an apology when he made that bitch's face. 473 00:19:24,656 --> 00:19:26,309 - Look here, nigga, my sister ain't gon' be 474 00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:27,309 too many more bitches. 475 00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,413 - No, it's OK, Pat. 476 00:19:28,414 --> 00:19:29,585 - No, he ain't gon' keep talking- 477 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,655 - Yo, what is going on in here? 478 00:19:31,656 --> 00:19:32,999 Mr. Free, we've been looking for you. 479 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,447 We gotta do some socials for you and Ms. Pat 480 00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:35,516 before the interview. 481 00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:36,516 We're going live in ten minutes. 482 00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:39,620 Not 15, not 20. Let's go! 483 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:42,586 - Who the fuck is that "Sesame Street"-looking nigga? 484 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,344 - I don't know, but let's go, since it's time to go. 485 00:19:47,413 --> 00:19:49,448 Pat, you gonna go ahead and fuck this up 486 00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:51,896 like you do everything else too? 487 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:53,517 Yeah, every female in my life 488 00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:56,517 is driving my ass nuts right about now! 489 00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,034 - Well, Tony, 490 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,862 you've been in this game since before I was born. 491 00:20:06,863 --> 00:20:09,274 What do you think is the key to your longevity? 492 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:10,619 - Well, if you're gonna stay in this game, 493 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,482 it comes down to originality. 494 00:20:12,551 --> 00:20:15,321 See, a lot of comics be stealing other people's style, 495 00:20:15,379 --> 00:20:17,189 biting off of other people's jokes. 496 00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:20,344 But if you want to make it, you've got to find your voice. 497 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,102 That's what will make you stand out. 498 00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:24,516 - Yeah, you're right, 'cause I saw somebody post that story 499 00:20:24,517 --> 00:20:27,379 you told the other night in San Antonio about your son. 500 00:20:27,448 --> 00:20:29,137 Man, I was dying. 501 00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:31,034 - Oh, yeah. Well, what can I say? 502 00:20:31,103 --> 00:20:33,655 Sometimes shit just comes to me. 503 00:20:33,724 --> 00:20:35,965 - OK, well, do you have any other tips 504 00:20:35,966 --> 00:20:37,343 for the young cats coming up? 505 00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:38,689 - Yeah, fellas. 506 00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:41,758 Get yourself a good woman. Lord knows I did. 507 00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:44,275 Hey, baby. - That's right. 508 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,514 Tony's wife is in the studio with us today, 509 00:20:46,515 --> 00:20:47,723 for those of you who are listening 510 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,378 and not watching the livestream. 511 00:20:49,379 --> 00:20:51,309 - Yeah, fellas, let me give you some advice 512 00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:52,724 on how to treat a woman. 513 00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:54,585 - This should be good. - What's that, Pat? 514 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,862 - She ain't say nothing. Listen. 515 00:20:57,931 --> 00:20:59,448 You get you a good woman, 516 00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:02,274 and you buy a lot of designer clothes, designer purses, 517 00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:04,137 designer shoes, diamonds. 518 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,481 And then you got to give her 519 00:21:05,482 --> 00:21:08,103 that good dick every night, yeah. 520 00:21:08,172 --> 00:21:11,620 And boy, she will stay with you for the rest of your life. 521 00:21:11,689 --> 00:21:12,739 - Oh, OK. 522 00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:14,136 Well, you heard it here, folks. 523 00:21:14,137 --> 00:21:16,413 Gifts and dick. 524 00:21:16,414 --> 00:21:17,895 - That's right. You gotta dick 'em down. 525 00:21:17,896 --> 00:21:19,931 See, women are like dogs. 526 00:21:19,932 --> 00:21:22,102 It don't take much to complete their little sad lives. 527 00:21:22,103 --> 00:21:24,206 Ain't that right, Pat? 528 00:21:24,275 --> 00:21:26,068 - Oh, shit. 529 00:21:26,137 --> 00:21:29,000 Ms. Pat, what's it like for you to be on tour with Tony? 530 00:21:30,896 --> 00:21:32,965 - Go on! Tell 'em! 531 00:21:33,034 --> 00:21:35,137 - Well, you know, I, uh- 532 00:21:35,138 --> 00:21:37,033 I've been listening to Tony Free comedy albums 533 00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:39,620 ever since I've been a authorized user 534 00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:42,620 on white people credit cards. 535 00:21:42,689 --> 00:21:45,399 Now they didn't know I was a authorized user, but I was. 536 00:21:45,413 --> 00:21:47,344 I mean, I'm his biggest fan. 537 00:21:47,345 --> 00:21:49,550 - Oh, you know I like it when you talk like that. 538 00:21:49,551 --> 00:21:52,000 - I mean, this man is a comedy hero. 539 00:21:52,068 --> 00:21:54,344 - It's so sweet of you to say those things. 540 00:21:54,345 --> 00:21:57,240 - But they wasn't lying when they say never meet your idol, 541 00:21:57,241 --> 00:21:58,585 'cause they will let you down 542 00:21:58,586 --> 00:22:00,379 like a nigga who owe you $20 543 00:22:00,448 --> 00:22:02,758 when a nigga know he got your $20, 544 00:22:02,827 --> 00:22:06,827 standing in line, eating Popeye's with your $20. 545 00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:10,724 - Oh, shit. Tony, she clowning you! 546 00:22:10,793 --> 00:22:12,689 - Oh, she's just joking, though. 547 00:22:12,690 --> 00:22:15,378 Now you're joking, right, Pat? - Hell no, I ain't joking! 548 00:22:15,379 --> 00:22:17,067 And you know that joke he did on stage 549 00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:19,619 the other night about his son, he stole that shit from me. 550 00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:21,379 He ain't even got no son. 551 00:22:21,448 --> 00:22:22,498 Do he, Naomi? 552 00:22:22,517 --> 00:22:24,379 - Nope. No kids. 553 00:22:24,448 --> 00:22:25,965 Tony didn't want none. 554 00:22:26,034 --> 00:22:28,620 - I guess you forgetting you had that miscarriage. 555 00:22:28,741 --> 00:22:31,861 - See, he ain't even got no kids. 556 00:22:31,862 --> 00:22:34,240 Done stole my damn joke about my son when he's a moron. 557 00:22:34,241 --> 00:22:35,689 That's my goddamn son. 558 00:22:35,690 --> 00:22:37,861 And I better be able to steal something from his ass. 559 00:22:37,862 --> 00:22:39,862 - You know, all this part of the act. 560 00:22:39,863 --> 00:22:41,619 Do you understand? - Bitch, this ain't no act! 561 00:22:41,620 --> 00:22:43,102 - Who you calling a bitch, bitch? 562 00:22:43,103 --> 00:22:44,655 - You, bitch! - Bitch! 563 00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:47,205 - And you an asshole for what you said about your wife too, 564 00:22:47,206 --> 00:22:50,896 talking about designer shit, you coked-out, dick-ass nigga. 565 00:22:50,965 --> 00:22:53,655 But that don't replace you respecting your wife. 566 00:22:53,724 --> 00:22:55,379 - What I can't respect 567 00:22:55,448 --> 00:22:57,931 is a comic that can't take a damn joke. 568 00:22:57,932 --> 00:22:59,688 - That wasn't no joke. You meant that shit. 569 00:22:59,689 --> 00:23:01,517 See, I know men like you. 570 00:23:01,586 --> 00:23:03,456 I've been in a relationship with one. 571 00:23:03,517 --> 00:23:05,413 Took a gunshot to the back of the head 572 00:23:05,482 --> 00:23:08,000 until I learned my damn worth! 573 00:23:08,068 --> 00:23:10,275 - Ms. Pat is going in right now! 574 00:23:10,344 --> 00:23:12,034 - Now where are the cameras at? 575 00:23:12,103 --> 00:23:13,413 Hey, ladies in D.C., 576 00:23:13,482 --> 00:23:15,896 don't you wait to get your wig blown off 577 00:23:15,965 --> 00:23:19,827 before you leave a lowdown, dirty-ass nigga like Tony Free. 578 00:23:19,828 --> 00:23:21,723 - You know your Black ass off the tour, right? 579 00:23:21,724 --> 00:23:23,689 - I don't give a fuck! 580 00:23:23,690 --> 00:23:25,067 Ladies, it's good to have dreams. 581 00:23:25,068 --> 00:23:27,310 But just like my sister, Denise said, 582 00:23:27,379 --> 00:23:31,000 that the Bible said, not at the cost of your soul. 583 00:23:31,068 --> 00:23:33,448 And she should know 'cause she read that shit. 584 00:23:33,517 --> 00:23:34,931 - Y'all hear that? 585 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,655 Don't let this fame shit come at the cost of your soul. 586 00:23:37,724 --> 00:23:39,620 - Man, fuck fake-ass Tony Free 587 00:23:39,689 --> 00:23:42,620 and that California raisin shriveled-up pussy 588 00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:45,275 he crawled out of in the 1900s! 589 00:23:45,344 --> 00:23:46,655 I'm out this bitch. 590 00:23:46,724 --> 00:23:49,068 Denise, call us an Uber. 591 00:23:51,103 --> 00:23:52,965 - Well, can we beat his ass first? 592 00:23:52,966 --> 00:23:54,826 - Oh, we can't beat a nigga ass who got some money, 593 00:23:54,827 --> 00:23:57,103 but we can hire a nigga who ain't got no money 594 00:23:57,172 --> 00:23:59,724 to beat that nigga ass. 595 00:23:59,793 --> 00:24:01,379 - OK, I'ma call Pookie. 596 00:24:01,448 --> 00:24:04,103 - What the fuck going on here? - Now hold on, Ms. Pat. 597 00:24:04,104 --> 00:24:05,585 Before you leave, you gotta promise to come back 598 00:24:05,586 --> 00:24:07,067 and tell me about how you got your weave shot off. 599 00:24:07,068 --> 00:24:09,517 - Chile, I will, but never with Tony Freak again. 600 00:24:09,586 --> 00:24:13,034 - And you ain't the only one done with his trifling ass. 601 00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:16,620 - I guess she didn't like them gifts and that dick, brother. 602 00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:18,379 - Oh, shit. You just talking, baby. 603 00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:21,206 You ain't going to let some unfunny ho come between us! 604 00:24:21,275 --> 00:24:24,379 You'll be broke and alone for the rest of your life. 605 00:24:24,448 --> 00:24:28,448 - Well, today is the last day I'm gonna be broken and alone. 606 00:24:28,837 --> 00:24:32,102 - But don't you got a prenup, girl? 607 00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:33,412 Go and pick that shit up. Here you go. 608 00:24:33,413 --> 00:24:34,863 Right here. We gon' need that. 609 00:24:39,172 --> 00:24:42,172 - Well, that was the weirdest interview we've ever done. 610 00:24:42,173 --> 00:24:44,378 Tony, do you have anything to say for yourself? 611 00:24:44,379 --> 00:24:46,758 - As a matter of fact, I do. You can catch me on- 612 00:24:46,759 --> 00:24:48,861 - Unfortunately, that's all the time we've got. 613 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:52,379 [knocks on glass] Ooh! 614 00:24:52,448 --> 00:24:54,965 [doorbell rings] 615 00:24:54,966 --> 00:24:55,861 - Mr. Carson. 616 00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:57,448 - Hi, Mr. Malinowski. 617 00:24:57,517 --> 00:24:58,724 Right. Come on in. 618 00:24:58,793 --> 00:25:00,896 - Feel free to call me Jack. 619 00:25:00,965 --> 00:25:03,310 I like to get to know each of my citizens 620 00:25:03,379 --> 00:25:04,896 on a personal level, 621 00:25:04,965 --> 00:25:07,495 especially the ones that impregnate my daughter. 622 00:25:07,517 --> 00:25:09,310 - Excuse me? 623 00:25:09,379 --> 00:25:11,758 - Mr. Mayor, I'm Ashley. 624 00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:13,516 - Hello, Ashley. It's so nice to meet- 625 00:25:13,517 --> 00:25:14,827 - Oh, not nice. 626 00:25:14,896 --> 00:25:17,413 Why did you pass that anti-trans legislation? 627 00:25:17,414 --> 00:25:20,033 - Come on, sweetheart. I don't want to talk legislation. 628 00:25:20,034 --> 00:25:20,861 I'm the mayor. 629 00:25:20,862 --> 00:25:22,862 - You're the devil. 630 00:25:22,931 --> 00:25:27,379 - Uh, have a seat, Mr. Mayor. - Thank you. 631 00:25:27,448 --> 00:25:30,206 Well, it seems that your son 632 00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:32,550 has gotten my daughter into quite the predicament. 633 00:25:32,551 --> 00:25:33,689 - It seems so. 634 00:25:33,690 --> 00:25:34,999 - I really appreciate the invite 635 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,999 to come down here and work this thing out. 636 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,260 And I'm so relieved to see 637 00:25:38,310 --> 00:25:40,360 that your boy comes from a decent family. 638 00:25:40,379 --> 00:25:41,827 - Ooh. 639 00:25:41,896 --> 00:25:44,827 Don't be calling him no boy. He's a grown 15. 640 00:25:46,206 --> 00:25:48,862 - I just came here to discuss a plan of action. 641 00:25:48,863 --> 00:25:50,205 - Yeah, well, before we get on with that, 642 00:25:50,206 --> 00:25:52,256 I just want to get into a few more details 643 00:25:52,257 --> 00:25:53,688 to get to the bottom of everything. 644 00:25:53,689 --> 00:25:56,103 See, my daughter asked your daughter 645 00:25:56,172 --> 00:25:57,586 how far along she was. 646 00:25:57,655 --> 00:25:58,931 - Yes, she's 12 weeks. 647 00:25:58,932 --> 00:26:00,274 She's got the sonogram to prove it. 648 00:26:00,275 --> 00:26:02,025 - Good. It's good that you have that 649 00:26:02,026 --> 00:26:03,895 because we're gonna need that as proof 650 00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:05,964 that Junebug is not the father of that baby! 651 00:26:05,965 --> 00:26:07,379 - Boom! - In your face! 652 00:26:07,448 --> 00:26:08,827 - Ow! - Ow! 653 00:26:12,206 --> 00:26:15,000 - Mayor Malinowski, Junebug told us 654 00:26:15,001 --> 00:26:16,550 that they were only together once. 655 00:26:16,551 --> 00:26:18,826 That was homecoming night. That was seven weeks ago. 656 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:19,757 Those dates don't match up, man. 657 00:26:19,758 --> 00:26:21,137 - No, they do not. 658 00:26:21,138 --> 00:26:22,757 And the only person that gets pregnant that fast 659 00:26:22,758 --> 00:26:24,965 and knows it is Keke Wyatt. 660 00:26:25,034 --> 00:26:27,000 And you don't know who that is. - Mm. 661 00:26:28,862 --> 00:26:32,724 So what do you have to say for yourself, Allison? 662 00:26:32,793 --> 00:26:35,137 - [whispers] What should I say, Daddy? 663 00:26:35,206 --> 00:26:37,344 - Why are you asking him what to do? 664 00:26:37,413 --> 00:26:38,689 - Um... 665 00:26:39,862 --> 00:26:41,931 Because this was all his stupid idea! 666 00:26:45,793 --> 00:26:48,000 The baby isn't yours, Junie. 667 00:26:48,068 --> 00:26:49,931 - What? 668 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,931 - I hooked up with this other Black guy 669 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,551 a few months before I met you. 670 00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:55,000 - Wait, wait, wait. 671 00:26:55,068 --> 00:26:57,965 I thought I was your first. 672 00:26:58,034 --> 00:26:59,413 - I, uh- 673 00:26:59,482 --> 00:27:01,892 he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. 674 00:27:01,893 --> 00:27:03,309 And I've seen enough "Teen Mom" 675 00:27:03,310 --> 00:27:05,689 to know that it wasn't gonna work out. 676 00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:07,413 So I told Dad, and he thought 677 00:27:07,482 --> 00:27:11,000 you'd be a safer option, politically speaking. 678 00:27:12,724 --> 00:27:15,379 - So you put her up to this? 679 00:27:15,448 --> 00:27:17,689 You should be ashamed of yourself, man. 680 00:27:17,690 --> 00:27:19,378 - Look. What do you want me to say? 681 00:27:19,379 --> 00:27:21,757 I'm running for re-election on the Republican ticket. 682 00:27:21,758 --> 00:27:23,793 I couldn't let Allison get an abortion. 683 00:27:23,862 --> 00:27:25,122 We don't believe in those. 684 00:27:25,123 --> 00:27:26,895 - Oh, not until you knock up a mistress or two 685 00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:28,620 on the road, right? 686 00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:30,517 - You know Caroline? 687 00:27:30,586 --> 00:27:32,517 - What? 688 00:27:32,586 --> 00:27:34,620 - I'm really sorry, Junie. 689 00:27:34,689 --> 00:27:36,172 For what it's worth, 690 00:27:36,173 --> 00:27:38,136 I think you would have been a really good dad. 691 00:27:38,137 --> 00:27:41,724 - I can't believe you used me and lied to me. 692 00:27:41,793 --> 00:27:44,206 You don't get to call me Junie anymore. 693 00:27:44,275 --> 00:27:46,655 - You know, we could still make this work. 694 00:27:46,724 --> 00:27:49,034 Name your price. - Oh, please. 695 00:27:49,103 --> 00:27:50,931 You lucky I didn't call the media. 696 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,275 Get the hell up out of my house, man. 697 00:27:58,965 --> 00:28:01,793 - Can I still count on your vote next month? 698 00:28:01,862 --> 00:28:03,103 - You got three seconds 699 00:28:03,104 --> 00:28:05,067 before you can count on this ass-whupping. 700 00:28:05,068 --> 00:28:07,275 Boy, get your white ass out of here, boy! 701 00:28:09,655 --> 00:28:11,655 Look, I'm so sorry, Junebug. 702 00:28:11,724 --> 00:28:14,134 I'm just glad that we through with all that mess. 703 00:28:14,135 --> 00:28:15,654 I don't know how I would have broke that news 704 00:28:15,655 --> 00:28:16,705 to your mama, though. 705 00:28:16,706 --> 00:28:17,826 - No news would have been broke. 706 00:28:17,827 --> 00:28:19,310 Just y'all's necks. 707 00:28:19,379 --> 00:28:20,620 And there's no telling 708 00:28:20,621 --> 00:28:22,412 what she would have broken off of Junebug. 709 00:28:22,413 --> 00:28:25,172 - Uh, I got a guess. 710 00:28:25,173 --> 00:28:26,964 - You know, Junebug, you got to be a little bit more careful 711 00:28:26,965 --> 00:28:28,688 about the women that you lay down with, son. 712 00:28:28,689 --> 00:28:30,379 Hmm? 713 00:28:30,448 --> 00:28:31,689 You know what? 714 00:28:31,758 --> 00:28:33,896 I think that you need to watch 715 00:28:33,965 --> 00:28:36,793 "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate." 716 00:28:36,862 --> 00:28:38,034 Mm-hmm. 717 00:28:38,103 --> 00:28:39,655 And you're grounded. 718 00:28:39,724 --> 00:28:41,482 - For what? 719 00:28:41,551 --> 00:28:43,413 - For what could have been. 720 00:28:46,310 --> 00:28:48,827 - Sorry she made you feel stupid, Bug. 721 00:28:48,896 --> 00:28:50,482 - Stupid? [scoffs] 722 00:28:50,551 --> 00:28:52,827 I finally got to have sex. 723 00:28:52,896 --> 00:28:54,517 I feel incredible. 724 00:28:54,586 --> 00:28:56,000 - Yeah. 725 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:57,379 - And I mean, come on. 726 00:28:57,380 --> 00:28:59,343 I almost got a Republican's daughter pregnant? 727 00:28:59,344 --> 00:29:02,275 Shoot. I'm trying to end racism. 728 00:29:04,275 --> 00:29:05,827 - Ugh. 729 00:29:05,896 --> 00:29:07,862 I never thought I'd be so happy 730 00:29:07,931 --> 00:29:11,862 to get to a home that I sleep on a pullout. 731 00:29:11,931 --> 00:29:15,137 - Remind me to never fly Spirit again. 732 00:29:15,206 --> 00:29:17,931 That shit should be called Break Your Fucking Spirit. 733 00:29:19,896 --> 00:29:21,034 I'm tired. 734 00:29:21,035 --> 00:29:22,412 - Yeah, well, you should be 735 00:29:22,413 --> 00:29:24,827 after digging in that man's ass like that. 736 00:29:24,896 --> 00:29:27,206 - Denise. - Huh? 737 00:29:27,275 --> 00:29:29,275 - Sorry about the bullshit today. 738 00:29:29,344 --> 00:29:31,068 I know you was just trying to help. 739 00:29:31,069 --> 00:29:33,412 And that was the first big opportunity I ever had, 740 00:29:33,413 --> 00:29:35,758 so I kind of lost myself there for a minute. 741 00:29:35,827 --> 00:29:37,620 - Yeah, well, a lot of people do. 742 00:29:37,689 --> 00:29:39,009 I'm just glad you found her. 743 00:29:39,034 --> 00:29:41,103 - Me too. Don't forget to call Pookie. 744 00:29:41,172 --> 00:29:42,551 - Oh, I already did. 745 00:29:42,552 --> 00:29:44,757 He said he's gon' make it look like he did it himself, 746 00:29:44,758 --> 00:29:47,528 'cause I ordered the nigga version of Jeffrey Epstein. 747 00:29:50,517 --> 00:29:53,448 - [snoring] 748 00:29:55,758 --> 00:29:57,827 [gasps] Shit. 749 00:30:00,931 --> 00:30:03,862 What, you thought I was coming for your ass? 750 00:30:03,863 --> 00:30:05,309 - Oh, girl, I ain't know what was going on. 751 00:30:05,310 --> 00:30:07,862 I didn't expect you home so soon. 752 00:30:07,931 --> 00:30:09,724 - I got kicked off the comedy tour. 753 00:30:09,793 --> 00:30:12,103 - Kicked off? What happened? 754 00:30:12,172 --> 00:30:15,379 - Standing up for my morals and shit. 755 00:30:15,448 --> 00:30:17,862 - I'm sorry, baby. 756 00:30:17,931 --> 00:30:19,103 You want to have sex? 757 00:30:19,104 --> 00:30:20,999 - You've only been awake for three seconds. 758 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,379 How the hell are you horny? 759 00:30:22,448 --> 00:30:23,551 No, I'm tired. 760 00:30:23,620 --> 00:30:25,241 - Whew. Thank God. 761 00:30:25,310 --> 00:30:27,000 You ain't wash it, I don't want it. 762 00:30:31,896 --> 00:30:35,034 [snoring] 763 00:30:38,068 --> 00:30:39,137 [upbeat music] 764 00:30:39,206 --> 00:30:41,000 - ? She's a grown-ass woman ? 765 00:30:41,068 --> 00:30:43,103 ? And she don't take no stuff ? 766 00:30:43,172 --> 00:30:45,034 ? She's a grown-ass woman ? 767 00:30:45,103 --> 00:30:47,310 ? And you can't get enough ? 768 00:30:47,379 --> 00:30:49,620 ? She's a grown-ass woman ? 769 00:30:49,689 --> 00:30:51,724 ? With a man and kids ? 770 00:30:51,793 --> 00:30:54,689 ? She's a grown-ass woman ? 771 00:30:54,758 --> 00:31:00,206 ? And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ? 772 00:31:00,256 --> 00:31:04,806 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0